Living with Trolls
by xEmistuckx
Summary: What happens after a crazy party one Saturday night? You lose the trolls and humans and have to search for them. Possible Karnep and AradiaxSollux. Rated T For Karkat. :3
1. Chapter 1

Eridan!

Eridan!

ERIDAN!

**You scream at the top of your lungs. After last night's wicked party, you are stuck looking for all the kids and trolls. **

Ovver here!

**Eridan climbs out of a thorny bush in my NEIGHBORS BACKYARD. Somehow that stupid fish managed to unlock my sliding door to my backyard, and climb the fence. All while being handcuffed to Sollux.**

What are you doing? And where's sollux?

I'm taking a shower. Wwhat does it look like, Em? I passed out after Sollux managed to crack my wwrist. Still hurts too.

**Eridan climbs out of the bush, holding his wrist. Sollux is nowhere to be seen.**

**Back inside, Feferi, Karkat and Rose are waiting for you. Everyone else is lost. This morning, only Rose was in a bedroom, asleep. Feferi was in the bathtub, squeezing a cuttlefish. Karkat was playing videogames, battling Michael from Rage Quit. The cursing could be heard down the block.**

I found Eridan. He was in Mrs. Doneau's backyard.

HAVE YOU SEEN JOHN? JADE GOT HIM HOPPED UP ON SUGAR AND HE FLEW DOWN THE BLOCK.

No. Have you seen Sollux?

YOU MEAN THE BIPOLAR DIPSHIT THAT GOT AHOLD OF A JAR OF MIND HONEY. YEA, I SAW HIM BEFORE HE EXPLODED!

**You sigh. Of course Vriska was using her powers. When you find her you'll use YOUR powers. Your….shipping…powers…you don't know do you even have powers? Whenever anyone gets in trouble, you just threaten to ship them with Eridan. When Feferi gets in trouble, though, you just give her a good talking to. It's bad enough you HAVE to ship her with Ampora. You can't rub it in her face every time she releases cuttles into the pool. **

**So yeah. You've got nothing.**

I'm going upstairs. If I'm lucky, somebody's asleep in the attic.

You havve an attic?

Exactly.

**You climb up the stairs, scraping your mud-covered shoes against the hard wood. At the top, you can choose to go in either the closet, your parent's room, or the attic. Hopefully, no one found the secret attic so you choose the closet. You open the door. **

**There is a large pile of towels and a sharpie marker. You dig through the pile to find Dave. On his face are multiple words written in blue sharpie. You look closer to find that they all read one name.**

**John.**

**Of course.**

**You sigh. Well, at least you found Dave. You drag him down the stairs to the living room couch. Karkat laughs.**

HA! SO THAT'S WHERE THE IDIOTIC COOLKID WENT. JOHN TOOK HIM UPSTAIRS LAST NIGHT AND NEVER RETURNED.

Do see anyone else go up there?

I happened to see Kanaya walk up there holding Karkat. **Rose comments.**

WHY WAS KANAYA HOLDING ME? WHY WAS I LETTING HER?

I don't know. I do know that you were loopy as crap. Apperently you had a tin of laughing gas that I didn't know about. **You sarcastically snap. Karkat glares at you. Wait...did that just rhyme? Tavros and Dave have been throwing sick fires lately and it's rubbing off.**

JUST GO FIND EVERYONE. I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS. **Karkat leans back and grabs the xbox controller . You sigh and Rose looks at you, apologetic. **

**Back upstairs you approach your parent's room. You aren't allowed in there so hopefully no one sneaked in. Vriska showed you her skill of picking locks…and look at that! She's been practicing.**


	2. Chapter 2

**(Note: This one is a little sadder than the first chapter but don't worry, the story will get happier once I start looking down the block)**

**You open the door to find a disaster scene. **

**Gamzee and Tavros are knocked out on the bed, covered in toilet paper. Gamzee's mouth is dripping with sopor slime. Gross! Tavros is a little better, snuggled up beside his matespirit like a puppy. His metal legs are sinking into the mattress.**

**The carpet, of course they got into the only carpeted room, is soaked with cherry soda and mustard. Wait, you didn't have cherry soda! And you hated mustard. You bend down to sniff the stains. They…well, they smell like…garbage? Definitely not cherries.**

**You follow a trail of soda and arrive at the closet door, scribbled on with more sharpie and mustard. You hold your breath. Did you really want to look inside? You don't know what kind of crazy junk could be in there and with Gamzee in the room you can only stare at the door. **

**Karkat walks into the room.**

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL? EMI, DID YOU DO THAT? MY GOG, TAKE A SHOWER!

No! And fuck you, I already did.

THEN WHAT IS THAT? IT SMELLS LIKE JOHN AFTER A MARATHON OF NIC CAGE MOVIES.

It's the closet. I haven't opened yet and I'm not sure that I want to. **You step out of the way. **But you can.

UGGH, DO I HAVE TO? THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE AND I STEPPED ON SOME WHILE YOU WERE FLAPPING YOUR LIPS. **That was blood? Pfft, you knew that. Totally.**

Do it. **You push Karkat to slide open the door. The smell smacks you in the face.**

**You and Karkat reveal a murder scene. Sollux is draped over that pole that you hang clothes on, dripping. A sleeping Aradia is beside him, holding a can of mind honey. The wall is stained with an eerie message.**

'Do NOT under any circumstances eat the mind honey.'

**Well you can see that, can't ya? You can't understand why Sollux would eat it for the second time and why Aradia would be with him. Karkat is staring at the dead body. **

Dude, are you okay?

GO GET FEFERI.

Why?

JUST GET HER. DON'T YOU THINK SHE WOULD LIKE TO SEE HER DEAD BOYFRIEND? **Karkat yells. You nod and run downstairs. You forgot they were dating. You never let that ship sail and it floated right behind your back. Pretty deep fricken deep poetry right there. The mayor would be proud.**

**Walking into the living room, Dave is awake and trying to wipe the marker off his face. Jade has joined the group.**

Uh, Feferi? There's something you might want to see upstairs.

O)( Buoy! Is it a present?

Not one I would want. **You mumble.**

W)(at?

Nothing. **You lead Feferi upstairs, almost slipping on the water dripping from her hair. Karkat looks at you sadly. Feferi frowns.**

W)(at's wrong? W)(y are you guys frowning? **Feferi looks down at the floor, smearing a yellow puddle with her foot. **

SORRY. **Karkat steps to the side, revealing her boyfriend. Feferi gasps and bursts into tears. **

YEA. WE JUST FOUND HIM. **Karkat scratches his head. He looks uncomfortable. **

I'll go look for the others. I'm sure Karkat can stay here with you. Right Karkat? **You turn to the tense troll.**

I'LL GO GET ERIDAN. **Karkat runs out of the room and grabs the fishy troll. Eridan frowns and sits next to his formal moirail. Feferi glubs and picks up the dead troll. You leave before anything gets worse. **

**Downstairs you turn to your list of trolls and kids. You cross out the following names:**

**Rose**

**Jade**

**Eridan **

**Feferi**

**Sollux**

**Gamzee**

**Tavros**

**Karkat**

**Aradia**

**Dave**

**Now you only had to find John and five trolls. At least Karkat wasn't-**

OH MY FUCKING GOG!


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for the late update. Anyway….**

What? What happened? **You run outside to find Karkat looking at the top of your oak tree in the backyard.**

I FOUND NEPETA.** Karkat points to Nepeta, who is sleeping on a tree branch. She looks so peaceful, you almost don't want to wake her. But, you have to. Where ever Equius is, he's probably in a worried sweat. **

**You start to climb the tree, scraping your converse on the tree trunk. As you start grabbing onto tree branches, Karkat laughs.**

IS THOSE BUTTERFLIES ON YOUR UNDIES? WHAT THE FUCK EM?

**You grunt and hitch up your pants. You didn't see Karkat climbing a fifty foot tree. You couldn't see much anyway. It was mid-afternoon and the sun was burning your eyes. You squint and continue climbing. As you step onto the weaker branches, you wobble, stopping your heart for a second. You hug onto the tree.**

Karkat! Help! **You cry to the red blooded troll. He is gone. You do see Gamzee, though.**

Gamzee! I'm stuck! **You yell. He looks up and waves. You grunt. The stupid troll can't hear you! You sigh and slowly inch up the tree. Your legs are getting a good helping of tree burn. **

:33 Emily, is that you? What are you mewing up here? **Nepeta wakes up, stretching her claws. You sigh a breath of relief.**

You know, hanging around. **You roll your eyes. John would have loved that. **

:33 Are you stuck? I'll help! **Nepeta reaches down and grabs my hand. I climb to the little nest she made.**

Nice treehouse. **You comment. It looks like your hair in the morning but you don't say anything. That troll possibly (pawsibly?) just saved your life. That's like commenting on Superman's weird curl after he saved you from a burning building. Guess who's falling the next 100 feet? Not the girl Superman's gonna help to the ground.**

**But Nepeta is not superman, nor does she have a weird curl. Roxy does though…**

**Arrgghh! This is no time to be thinking about Roxy's hair! You still have to get Nepeta down from this tree and look for everyone else.**

Hey Nepeta? By any chance, can you get down from here?

:33 Of course! Watch! **Nepeta leaps from branch to branch before landing on the ground. You follow, scooting down the tree trunk and climbing over branches. Your thighs are burning so badly. **

**By the time you get down, Nepeta had joined the gang and left you to jump ten feet into a pile of conveniently placed rocks. Ouch.**

**You walk back inside and change into Bermuda shorts. You're not going to be able to walk right until tomorrow. If Karkat doesn't get a good look at you first. **

**At this point, you can decide to find either Equius, John, Kanaya, Vriska or Terezi.**

**Or wait, you can't decide.**

**CAUSE I'M THE AUTHOR!**

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHahahahahahaha….**

**Yea…um…..let's go look for Vriska.**


	4. Chapter 4

**You start down the street, iphone in hand. You regret giving Karkat the other Iphone, since all he is doing is texting you about status reports and if you found Terezi. **

**Of course, you haven't. If you were looking for her, you would have called her. Out of all the trolls, she was the only one sensible enough to give you her number. Even Kanaya wouldn't do it. **

**You turn on Holly street, then straight onto Baywood. Cars whiz past you, making you taste your hair. It's disgusting, yes, but you were stupid enough to change out of your god tier cosplay.**

Emily! Emily!

**Your good friend Cas waves. Her brown hair is draped over her shoulder. She is watering her garden. **

Hey Cas! Have you seen any trolls?

You lost them?

Maybe…

Uggh. So that's why Vriska was flying by Wawa this morning.

You saw her?

Oh yea, she was roleplaying with Terezi. Looked like Vriska was winning, if you can do that.

Omigosh! Thank you so much! **You wave good-bye. Before you leave, you take your scooter out of her shed and put your phone in the basket. **

Wait! I forgot to mention that John passed by!

Is he by Wawa too?

I'm not sure. He looked a little…

Hyper?

That's an understatement. **Cas rolls her hazel eyes and returns to her pumpkins. **

**Wait, there's no pumpkin there.**

**Why did you think there was a pumpkin?**

**No matter. You hop on your scooter and continue to your new destination, Wawa.**

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I have you now Redglare! **Outside of Wawa you hear a loud crash. You were inside, grabbing a chocolate shake and a sticky bun. It was almost night and you had nothing to eat. **

**You can't believe it's almost night. The sun was setting and the mosquitos were on the move. They weren't the only pests…**

TH3 LONG WH1T3 DR4GON SN4PS 4T TH3 F34RSOM3 P1R4T3!

You 8etter 8elieve it! The pirate pulls out a dangerously sharp sword and swings it eight times!

THE DR4GON DUCKS 4ND BR34TH3S F1R3! H3H3H3H3H3H3! **Terezi cackles. You walk through the double doors to be knocked into a roleplay battle. The scoruge sisters vs. the girl with a chocolate mustache.**

Mindfang looks to her left and sees a weak human drinking a disgusting drink. She sluuuuuuuurps it in horror before being killed!

R3DGL4R3, WHO W4S R1D1NG ON TH3 DR4GON, SM1L3S 1N D3L1GHT.

Oh my god, shut up! This is annoying!

R3DGL4R3 DO3S NOT SHUT UP.

If you guys come back to the house, I will let you roleplay there.

**Terezi and Vriska look at each other. **

Naaaaaaaah. ::::)

*sigh* I have fake blood.

D34L!

**Vriska fly home with Terezi, leaving you to scooter back. **

**You look like a total dork holding your shake and calling Cas at the same time.**

Yo, Cas? I need a ride home.

Did you find them?

Yup. I also was apparently killed by a pirate as a dragon laughed.

Brutal.

Vris called my milkshake stupid :(

Just stay where you are. My mom will pick you up.

**You wait at the corner, answering Karkat's frantic texts. While you were gone, Jade started chasing Nepeta round the house, Rose spilled tea on the couch, and Karkat broke my Xbox controller in frustration. Such nice guests, aren't they?**

**5 minutes later, Cas arrives with her Mom. You are quickly driven home and you return the scooter. It was yours, yes, but it was 20 times easier to get it when you left it in Cas's huge shed. You were there 6 out of 7 days of the week.**

**You open the door and are blasted with cold air.**

EMILY! HOW THE FUCK DO YOU USE THE AC?

:33 What was that, Karkitty?

NOTHING, NEPETA.

I got it. **You turn the dial up to a warm 75 and grab a sweatshirt.**

DID YOU FIND EVERYONE? OR ARE THERE STILL SHITCAKES SCATTERED ACROSS TOWN.

Well, I still need to find John, but I'm hot on his trail.

WHAT ABOUT SWEATSHOP?

:33 I saw Eqkitty go downtown to get more milk.

I was just by Wawa. Maybe he's on his way back.

WHAT'S A WAWA?

A store. I'll have to take you one day.

NO THANKS. ANYONE ELSE MISSING?

Uhhhh….oh! We need Kanaya!

WELL, GO FUCKING FIND HER!

Okay, geez. You don't have to yell. **You shrink. Jade notices and pulls finding Nemo out of the dvd case.**

WHAT THE HELL IS A NEMO? **Karkat asks, looking to where you were staring.**

Only the best pixar ever! **You push Karkat away and sit in between Jade and Feferi. Rose sits on the vibrating chair, hiding a tea stain with her dress.**

**You could handle a bit of a break…right?**


	5. Chapter 5-intermission?

**After a marathon of Pixar movies, you are upside-down on the couch. Nepeta is leaning against Karkat, who is watching Terezi. Rezi is sleeping on the vibrating chair with Rose. Jade is on the floor, curled up on the rug. Dave watching the movies next to her. On the other side of the rug, Feferi is laying on Eridan's lap. At the dining room table Gamzee and Tavros are drawing puppies and miracles. Vriska is drawing spiders brutally murdering the puppies.**

**You almost don't want to get up.**

**But you must go look for Kanaya.**

**You stand up and check the clock. It's nine at night, not a good time to be wandering the streets.**

Hey Karkat, can you come with me to look for Kanaya?

DO I FUCKING HAVE TO?

Yes.

:33 Can I come with mew two and look for Eqkitty?

Sure! The more the merrier!

I HATE BEING MERRY.

That's the adventuring spirit! Let's go!

**You open the door and wait on the sidewalk. Karkat's tying his shoes.**

WHY DID YOU GET ME THESE DUMB SNEAKERS?

I didn't know what you would want for your wriggling day. You didn't even drop a hint.

:33 I helped her pick them out! Aren't they purrfect?

THEY'RE FUCKING ATROCIOUS.

:(( Oh…

**You reach the corner and start walking forward when you hear a loud honk and a car goes flying by.**

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

You mean the car? That's how humans get around.

**Nepeta hugs onto Karkat.**

:33 Are they evil?

No. They are perfectly harmless. Unless you get run over. Or you get in an accident. Or…

OK WE'VE HEARD ENOUGH. LET'SGO BACK.

Wait, what? NO! I can't be out here alone!

**You plead with the redblood, with no avail.**

Don't make me do it.

WHAT.

Blackmail.

**You smile, all evil like. Karkat dosen't look impressed.**

Hey Nep.

:33 Yes Emkitty?

I know who Karkat likes.

**Karkat stops dead in his tracks. You raise your eyebrows. He turns slowly, mouth gaping.**

YOU WOULDN'T.

Oh, but I would.

:33 A ship! Oh boy!

This is your last chance, Karkat. If you don't turn your ass around and help me look, I'll tell her.

YOU BETTER BE LYING FUCKASS.

You wouldn't want me breaking a poor cat troll's heart, would you?

**Nepeta frowns. You pat her shoulder, not taking your eyes off Karkat. He looks nervous. Man, does it feel good to find an Achilles heel. **

FUCK YOU. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE MAKING ME CHOOSE.

10…9…8…7…6….5….4…

OKAY OKAY FINE! I'LL COME!

Karkat likes Terezi.

:(( What?

EMILY! WHY DID YOU SAY THAT? I TOLD YOU I WOULD COME!

Yea….but I don't like it when people don't like things.

:(( I guess I have to update my shipping wall when I get back.

God, Karkat why are you so heartless?

(**Karkat has a** **rage so rage-filled and outrageous that no words can describe it.) **

Calm down! I didn't mean it!

:33 Hey, Karkitty? Are we friends?

**Karkat stops raging and looks down at Nepeta.**

SURE.

:33 Yea!

And my OTP lives on! **You punch the air, like in an anime.**

**Nepeta claps. Karkat groans. **

HOW FAR ARE GOING?

**I don't know. We'll find out when we get there.**

**Yea, this was a bit of an intermission. Expect an update in 2 days or more. I'm going to have my hands full with the truth or dare.**


	6. Chapter 6- The strange man

**Haha two days or more, more like 2 weeks. Sorry I haven't updated. I have been so caught up in the truth or dare, a bunch of one-shots and a gristmas story in progress.**

* * *

**Wandering the streets, Karkat starts to grumble. His face turns a beet red and he's sweating.**

WHY DO WE HAVE TO WALK SO FAR?

It's been like seven blocks.

THAT'S SEVEN TOO MANY.

:33 oh Karkitty, you'll get used to it. Try not to hold your breath.

I CAN'T STAND THESE GOGDAMN FUMES. IT FEELS LIKE MY THINKPAN IS CLOUDED WITH DAMARA'S WEED.

We're walking past a gas station. Did you expect a light scent of violets and fresh cotton?

NO.

THAT DOESN'T MEAN ROAD-SIDE SUSHI IS THE NEW PERFUME OF THE MONTH.

**You roll your eyes and pull a box-shaped perfume bottle out of your purse. After wrestling with the cap, you spray a cloud onto Karkat's face.**

**Opening his mouth in surprise, he starts to gag. Nepeta holds his bangs up.**

I think I'm going to puke.

SERVES YOU RIGHT FUCKA—

**Karkat pukes up the little dinner he had. The gas station owner looks at you with sympathy. You nod and sigh.**

Are you done?

NO.

Great.

:33 Karkitty, I think I should take you home.

YOU? I DON'T NEED A PERSONAL ASSITANT TO WALK SEVEN BLOCKS.

I thought seven blocks were too hard!

NOT WHEN YOU'RE NOT FLAPPING THOSE LIPS. TRUST ME, THREE BLOCKS OF FUCKING ADVENTURE TIME THEORIES CAN REALLY HIT A NERVE.

:33 I thought furonia sounded brave!

Thank you.

I'M GOING HOME. TEXT ME IF YOU FIND KANAYA. IF NOT, THROW YOURSELF IN A PIT OF BURNING CORPSES AND REVALUATE YOUR MORAL PURPOSES.

**Karkat spins on his heel and starts stomping home. He wipes his mouth with his sleeve.**

:33 I guess it's just mew and me.

I figured this would happen. Karkat has the attention span of a squirrel.

:33 Yea, but he's my squirrel.

True dat.

**You and Nepeta walk in silence past the gas station. You notice a bright light.**

**The light turns out to be a motorcycle. The man riding it was thin but tall. He looked angry and was mumbling to himself. You start to blend into the bushes.**

:33 Excuse me! Mr. motorcycle guy!

Nepeta! What are you doing?

:33 He might have seen Equius.

**Nepeta waves to the man. The man nods and pulls over to you.**

_Hello._

:33 Hi there!

:33 By any chance, have mew seen a troll carrying milk?

_Milk? I did see one strange guy outside the ice cream place. _

Was he wearing a black shirt and striped socks?

_Yup. _

:33 Great! Thank mew!

**Nepeta starts to run toward the fro yo store. You blush.**

Sorry about her. Equius means a lot.

_No problem. Hope you find that troll._

Me too.

**You run after Nepeta, your sneakers crackling against the rocky road. As you turn the corner, you stop dead in your tracks, falling over from imbalance.**

**Groaning, you lift your head up.**

**Did he say troll?**


	7. Chapter 7-ice cream and sweaty trolls

This is the grossest ice cream place I have ever been to.

**You walk up to the door. Grass shavings edge the sidewalk. **

**You knock on the glass, which falls through. You peek your head in.**

Hello?

_Sorry, we're closed._

Have you seen anyone wearing a black shirt and stripy socks?

_Uh, no? I've been asleep the whole time. Who comes to this dump?_

Good point.

Do you have any milk?

_Milk? I just heard a guy steal like, two gallons. _

**The cashier points to the back door. I nod in acknowledgement. **

Thank you.

_Whatever. Just, if you see this guy in a big black jacket, tell him a line was stretching to the next block and I deserve another day off._

Will do.

**The cashier nods off again. You back out of the window. Nepeta hangs over your shoulder.**

:33 What did she say?

Equius stole some milk.

:33 That's it?

Yup. She looked really sleepy.

:33 She looked like she needed a shower.

**You dig into your purse and turn on your phone. Terezi has been texting you for an hour about Gamzee's pies.**

**He ate them all.**

**You sigh and show Nepeta the messages. She gulps and shuts the phone off.**

Couldn't have said it better myself.

:33 Hey, Emeowly, is that Earth store still open?

Kmart? Pretty sure. I mean, the lights are on and cars are everywhere. If I didn't know better I would say a troll was walking through the automatic doors.

:33 ….

Oh.

Let's get going.

**Nepeta runs across the street, landing on a soft pile of grass. Mockingly, you follow. **

**Halfway across the road, you slip and land face first into a gallon of milk.**

Ow!

:33 Hehe!

Stop laughing! I just fell on ice cold cow juice!

:33 Cow juice?

Milk, whatever.

:33 Oh gosh. Look at all the milk there is.

This must have cost a fortune. Who has the money to get this?

:33 Just asking, is that gr33n stuff in your wallet impurrtant?

**You open your mouth, then close it. You squeak and throw yourself into your purse.**

**Your wallet is completely empty.**

He must have stolen the ice cream milk, then went to get more in Kmart.

:33 Here he comes meow!

**You turn to the blue-blooded troll, carrying another four gallons of milk. He looks at you, then drops the milk and runs.**

Augh!

**You are now covered in milk. Sweaty milk, at that.**

Get back here, you sweaty perv!

:(( Em!

**Dashing at full speed, you quickly catch up with Equius. You pounce onto his back.**

D- Emily, I would suggest that you get off—

That was all my money! Now Gamzee's going on a murderous rampage!

D- Gah!

STOP RUNNING!

**Equius skids to a complete halt, throwing you off his shoulders. **

**Nepeta latches onto Equius.**

:33 I missed you so meowch!

D- I was only gone a few hours.

:33 Hehe, well I'm happy you're back.

D- Let's go home.

:33 Okay! I f33l like we're furgetting something though.

D- I didn't need that milk. It smelled bad anyway.

:33 Be careful, a car might attack.

D- A car?

:33 Long story.

**Nepeta and Equius skip off into the darkness like a freaken happy ending in a cheesy movie. You can see a sparkly 'THE END' floating in. It's that or the concussion you've got.**

**After Equius stopped his sprint, you were tossed into a pile of thorny bushes. Thorny bushes. WHY? Why thorny?**

**You pull yourself off your face and recall your recent falls. First, into rocks, then milk, now thorns. Who is coming up with this?**

**Better question: Who has my knife….**

**Nope, okay, murder aside, You still have to find Kanaya and John. **

**And what store has better fashion than Kmart?**

…

**Let's check anyway.**


End file.
